I'm not lost. I'm taking the scenic route.

A lot of this is a love note to my wife but there will occasionally be a random thought thrown in every once in a while.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Food, You Are My Everything.

I got a comment the other day about a blog where I mentioned that I am an emotional eater. It s true. I eat when I am sad and I am sad because I eat. It's a vicious cycle. Chocolate is my food of choice. I do not really care about the form it comes in. It can be in milk, in ice cream, on ice cream, cake, brownies, cupcakes. What ever! Don't get me wrong, I have started to be more healthy about what I eat now that I am trying to loose weight so I will eat it with more health foods. You know. Things like cherries, blueberries, peanuts, raisins. Those are all healthy right?
My emotional eating started like everybody else's. When I would fall down and get hurt (apparently I was not graceful as a child) I would get a cookie or a piece of cake to stop crying and make me feel better. This turned into a gallon of ice cream and a bag of Oreo's when I got older.
If you think about it food is an expression of intense emotion. We eat when we are happy and sad. At a wedding there is a HUGE spread and one of the traditions is the bride and groom axchanging bites of cake and drinks of wine. Funerals are also packed with food. There is always a feast after someone gets buried. When someone is sick and in the hospital friends and family take prepared food over to the ones taking care of the ailing person. Food is an expression of love and caring! FOOD = Love! In fact food is usually at the center of all celebrations of love. What is the typical date? Dinner and a movie. Can you honestly see a movie with out eating before or after seeing a movie? I thought not. Food is such a part of falling in love that it is often heard at the beginning of exciting relationships that food looses its taste when that special someone is not around or they are so in love the cannot eat.
I think that is why many people are so freaked out about people with eating disorders. How can someone not like food? That smooth feeling of your teeth sinking into a chocolate bar or the way a piece of cherry pie is heavy on the end of your fork or the way the whipped creme melts off the side of hot pumpkin pie and the two flavors become one in your mouth. mmmmmmmm. Sorry, lost myself for a moment.
Food is sexy too. Who can forget the scene in front of the refridgerator in "9 and 1/2 Weeks?" Or even feeding your lover olives and feta while sipping wine on warm, from the dryer cotton sheets.
Food is many things. Party mate, consoler, lover and sustainer of life. Now say 'To Hell with the Diet' for at least one night and enjoy your passion for food!

Sunday, February 19, 2006

So Much For One Resolution

One of my New Years resolutions was to loose 10lbs. by V-Day. When I stepped on the scale I did not make it. What a bunch of BS!! I run about at least 3 days a week for 1.5 miles and work out yet I have not lost the weight. I even joined a contest at the gym to make the resolution more competetive. After seeing htat I had not lost the weight I immediatly had to do some emotional eating. I had to go grab some Whoppers, ice cream and any thing else that had chocolate or went good with chocolate. I felt much better after my binge.
All the other resolutions are coming along just fine except for tobacco. I will keep you updated. Right now I have to go get more chocolate nd tobacco.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Ralley Cry!!

Joy said...
It's called
OPERATION AUDREY HEPBURN
aka
" CODE LITTLE BLACK DRESS".

These poor girls... there they are, in their bra's and panties - some of them only have a sheer peice of curtain covering their shivering flesh. One only has a old black sweater to cover her. What kind of aweful Men's mag would make these poor girls do without?

That's where I come in.

With the help of my black sharpie pen I am providing a valuable service, where these girls are getting a nice dress to wear to a REAL job interview at an actual office, in hopes of getting a job where she'll respect herself in the morning.

It's my higher calling...

Because every girl needs the perfect black dress.

Oh, and your welcome you sicko...


NeverEnough said...
Ahahaha!!! Brilliant...

Kimi Jo said...
Joy.....you are brilliant!!! You should pitch that idea to Sharpie..and you can be in the commercial. I can just see it, hubby buys a mag, stops by the house, heads to the airport. You see the girls before he gets home, and then once he is at the airport!!! Women everywhere would invest in Sharpie Markers!!!

These were the comments on my last entry. Appearently I have a predominatly female readership, (Thank you ladies), and their loyalty to me is only supeceded by their loyalty to each other. The bond that formed between these three ladies over this blog is amazing and they have unified against ME! I replied to them that thy should get matching Jersey's sp people would know they were on the same team. Did I get any backup from any male readers? No. Does that mean my blog has no male readers? Possibly, but I hope not. Come on guys! We have got to stick together! We have got to stand up and take back our right, (thats correct, I said right) to look at half naked women in a magazine. Since the beginning of time men have been looking a naked women. At first they were not to much to look at, but as their grooming bacame more advanced so did their appeal naked. I would venture a guess that naked women are the reason the camera was invented, so men could take pics of naked women with them when they went out to hunt and gather food. To have that taken away from us is to take away a part of who we are. If we do not unite on this topic what is next? Golf? Football? Baseball? Poker nite? Where will it end? We must put an end to this oppression and it has to start right...oh crap my wife is up. I gotta go. I hope she does not read this.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

When Did You Get That Dress?

My beautiful wife is so funny. I get up this morning and go to the library for some ligh reading. I pick up a Men's Health magazine that I have been reading. As I am flipping through it looking for an article to read I start to notice that something is different about it. There were pics of girls in various states of undress but now the all seem to be wearing the same black dress. How could this have happened? How did the dress fairy get into the magazine and get them to put clothes on? I am sure some of my female readers are questioning why I would have a magazine with half naked women in it. I assure you I did not get the mag for the pics of women. I got it because of the articles. Really, I swear. Besides I truly am not interested in looking at other women. My wife is BEAUTIFUL! Just look at the pics of her on my blog.
I guess my wife did not want them to catch a cold in our library so she dressed them a little warmer. She is so thoughtful.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

The Perfect Valentines Day Card

For the longest I always got funny cards. No matter what the occassion, except funerals, I got cards that made a joke of something. Out of love for my wife (I love you baby) I changed my habits and started getting the cards she actually wanted. You know the ones. They are two pages long and have tissue paper on the inside. Very girly. Lickily, this year I was able to find a card that was romantic enough for my wife yet satisfied my need to "go for the laugh." Here it is:
(On the cover)
A Love Story For My Wife
Once upon a time there were two sweethearts who promised to love each other happily ever after till they died. So they did. Then these, like, flower bushes or something grew up and the birds came and stuff.
The End.
(On the inside)
Kinda makes you want to have sex, doesn't it?
IT WAS PERFECT!!! Hallmark finally did it! they came up with a V-Day card that says it all. The romantic stuff on the outside but it asks the underlying question on the inside. *All holiday and birthday cards should have this question somewhere on them. This card has made me love buying cards again.
I wonder if she will notice when I give her this card again next year?

*Cards that are for children, parents or for friends of the same gender as the giver should have the question removed from the card. Lets not be freaks about the whole thing.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Not So Bad

The othre night I was in a bad mood when it came time to put the kids to bed. I always end up soing it. Why? It is such a hassle sometimes. Getting the bedroom cleaned up, going to the bathroom, making the bottle, saying he prayers and giving the hugs. What a pain! At least it was until I wsa awakened by what a wonderful thing it is to be the last thing your kids see before you turn out the lights. I normally get Jinny first. Since she sleeps in a crib we get to do acrobatics when we go to bed. What that means is she jumps and I will turn her upside down, do a flip or maybe a little twist before she nails her landing in her bed. THis is followed by a beautiful burst of laughter. She then sorts through the stuffed animals she wants to sleep with that night. When we finaly get snuggled in, we say our prayers. She mentions everybody in the family by name then says, "Night Night daddy." Next is Sara. She is nromally in bed waiting patiently for me to finish with Jinny. She too says her prayers and even mentions people outside our immediate family. She is such a thoughtful kid. After the prayer she is not ready for bed until she gets a hug and kiss.
What kind of a jerk dad would find all that a hassle? Not me anymore. I love it. Thank you girls.

Friday, February 10, 2006

A Little Early But...

Valentines Day is coming up and I have it already taken care of. Last year for V-day I wanted to treat my wife to something great. First we went to dinner at a VERY nice steak house then we went and got some ice cream at Marble Slab. After eating we went to a musical at the Civic Center. When the musical was over we retired to a four star hotel for the rest of the evening. The next morning we had breakfast at the hotel and walked around downtown until we figured we had abused the baby sitter long enough. It was a great night.
This year Joy said she was going to take care of V-day. I have been married for almost ten years so I know that does not get me off the hook. I still have to do something. It turns out my sister-in-law's family owns a pawn shop and they are the best place to buy jewelry in Shawnee. I got home at 12:30 thinking Joy was going to need to go to work. It turned out she did not have to go so I told her to get ready because we were going somewhere. She kept asking me where we were going but I would not tell her. After about 20 minutes on the road she figured it out. When we got there, there were several nice rings and necklaces to choose from. She looked at them for about an hour before narrowing it down to two. I already had a dollar amount that I could spend. The rings that she picked were just outside that amount but my sister-in-law being the wonderful person she is came down to my set dollar amount. (Thanks Trina) Joy loves her ring. (You can see a picture of the ring at joyketch.blogspot.com) She was so pleased with her v-day present again this year. On our way out of town, Joy saw a "fainting couch" at an antique store so we had to stop and look. While we were there she found some glasses that match a set we already have. She asked me in her best "little girl voice" if she could have them. I find it almost impossible to say 'no' to my wife, so she got them too. I am soooo easy.
I love you baby. Happy Valentines Day.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

No Kind Words

Yesterday there was a photo of Brittany Spears driving in her car with her child in her LAP! FRIGGIN' IDIOT!!! I think she is such a backwoods, hillbilly, tramp slut. Here she is this "big star" and yet she acts like a whitetrash piece of crap. Am I being to hard on the poor girl? I mean after all she has all of these people wanting to take her picture and her pressing music career is not giving her anytime for her movie career. (thank goodness) Not to mention her unemployed husband to support. No wait, he just put out an album. I guess I suck because I have not heard anything from it. He must be huge in Belgium. Oh, she made a big deal about how she would do anything to protect her baby. I guess she means she will protect him everywhere accept a moving car. And another thing, she is looked up to by a lot of teenage girls that pay attention to everything she says and does. What kind of crappy example is she trying to set. Another example of her trashy self is from her short lived "reality show." Now I will admit that this was not witnessed first hand but was heard on a radio morning show that was trashing her reality show. Appearently she was talking to some of her friends and she said, "Oh my gosh I have had sex 3 times today." Her mom and dad must be soooo proud. Sure she is married, but you do not share things like that with people. Especially when you know you are being filmed for your own television show. Tramp. Like I said she is a role model (how sad) for a lot of young girls but what does she do? She dances seductively, (yeah, I want my young daughters to emulate that) wears trampy clothes, (See previous comment) and now drives with her child in her lap. She is one of those stars that should not be allowed to talk. She should just stand there and look pretty and maybe dance a little bit. It is when she opens her mouth that she turns unattractive. She, Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Lopez should all just be models and dancers. No more singing please. No more acting please. Just dance and look pretty.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Thanks For Stopping By

I was feeling bad because I was not getting very many comments on my blog so I put a counter on it. It turns out that quit a few people are looking at my blog but not commenting. As my self esteem is very low, I think it would be great if everyone that looks would leave a comment. Kind of like signing a guest book. If you do not I will be forced to fling poo. Thank you for your support.

Friday, February 03, 2006

No Really, Let Me Explain

I caught a lot of crap about my last post. Yes I kept that email for three months before I blogged about it and yes maybe I gave it more thought than the people who are actually involved with the email but like I said, something about it would not let me delete it. And yes I deleted it after I blogged about it. Things like that fascinate me. Why do people do some of the things they do? Why do people think it is ok to do somethings and what is their logic in coming to the conclusion that it is ok? These are just some of the things I ponder. That and if orange is a color AND a fruit, why are things that are red not called an apple?
 
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