I'm not lost. I'm taking the scenic route.

A lot of this is a love note to my wife but there will occasionally be a random thought thrown in every once in a while.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

A New Way to See Things.

Today at church, yes I go to church, our pastor was talking about having new eyes. It took me back to a couple of months ago when I got new eyes and was able to see something differently. Actually it was someone, my wife. I have always loved her but I was never able to see what a wonderful, beautiful person she is. We had been fighting for about a year about different things and we were both under a lot of pressure. I swear if I had not have lived it I would not have believed it. Inside of two years we decided we were going to adopt two little girls, my wifes mother died, her step-dad started dating, her dad decided to get remarried, our adoption went from two girls to four, she had her 10 year high school reunion, her grand-mother died, and I got diagnosed with hypertension which comes with all sorts health related problems. It was a tough year and we had grown apart...way apart. It all came to a head the day after her grand-mothers funeral. We woke up that morning and the day was just different. It may have been the heavy emotion from the previous day or because everything had just built up inside us but we stayed in our room and talked, fought, cried, laughed, loved and started a new life together. It was probably the worst and the best day of my life. It was the worst because I finally realized I had not been the husband that my wife needed or deserved. I had been selfish, uncaring and distant for nine years. I had finally pushed her just about as far away as I could and still be able to see her. She was worn out with trying to hang on with very little support. As I sat there watching her cry telling me how she had tried to reach me I started to cry too. It was as if my tears washed away the scales that had been over my eyes and I saw how tender and fragile she was and how I had not taken care of her. I am not talking about the care that includes a car, food, heat, air conditioning and clothes. Those are easy. I am talking about really caring. Letting her know that I care about how she feels about things. Including her in decisions that effect both of us and just talking to her and sharing my day with her so she knew she was a part of my life. That day she went from the over emotional female that I had been married to for nine years to my beautiful, fragile, tender, loving, tolerant wife. I have never been the same since. I don't want to be the same. I had been a selfish, conceded fool and I do not want to be that way any more. Not only did I see how fragile she is but how strong she is too. She is strong enough to marry a strong-willed, pig headed, stubborn, foolish, blind man. I now know that my wife is to be cherished, and she is cherished. I now talk to my wife about my day and listen to her when she tells me about hers. My wife is a very amazing person and I am proud to be married to her. After ten years of being married I am finally really falling in love with my wife and she with me. Our marriage is stronger now than it has ever been. I am getting to know her as well as she knows me. I am finally being a husband and a man.

Friday, October 28, 2005


My 13 year old is pretty darn cool. She has been taking Tai Kwan Doo for like a month and she had her first test the other day and she kicked ass! The normal progression of things is you go from a white belt to white with a yellow stripe and then to a yellow belt. Rikki jumped over the yellow strip and went straight to the yellow belt. I have never done Tai Kwan Doo so I have no idea how hard that may be but I was pumped on her. It was awesome watching her take her test. She did her forms which looks like a choreographed series of kicks and punches. Then she went on to the REALLY cool part. She broke boards! When my wife saw them holding up the boards she said, "Is my baby going to break those boards?" HECK YES! She punched the first one and broke it the first tine. She tried to kick the second one. It took her three times but when it broke, it broke in three pieces. Yeah my baby is tough.
So not only did she skip the yellow stripe and break two boards when she moved up but she also got a patch of recognition because she has been working so hard. This girl had not done anything athletic other than play soccer for one season her whole life and here she is kicking ass in Tai Kwan Doo. Joy and I are so proud of her.
If you see a guy walking down the street with his red haired daughter do not mess with him. He may have his daughter kick your ass.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Slow Ride

This is just one of those days where nothing exceptional happened. Just spent the day at work thinking about what I would rather be doing and counting the time until I get to go home to my wife and kids. Maybe we will watch a movie tonite. I love movies. My friend and I have even written one and tried to get it made. Obviously it did not work out. If it had I would not be stuck working where I do driving a Ford Escort. Speaking of movies, my wife and I watched "Crash" last night. That is a good movie. It is a movie about ethnic relations and how even though people of different cultural back ground they are all looking for the same things. Respect, safety, justice, the right to earn a living, acceptance, understanding and someone to just be a friend. Would it not be a great place to live where we could have all that and not have any groups that simply got more of it while the rest fought for what was left over. George Orwell probably stated that thought best in 'Animal Farm'. He said, "All animals are created equal. Some are just more equal than others."

Monday, October 24, 2005

A Fantasic Day!!!

I heard from my son Connor today!! He lives in Ft. Meyers, Fl. Yeah, the place that just got pummeled by another hurricane. It was incredible to hear his voice again. I have not spoken to him in probably a year or at least since hurricane Charlie went through. He is 12 now and his voice sounded so different. He said he was as tall as him mom so that makes him about 5'4" or so. My wife and I would love to see him. It has been five years since I have laid eyes on that boy. We got so scared when the hurricane path was drawn through Ft. Meyer. I called him for 2 days before he got back with me. I finally sent a text message asking him to call me back and he finally did. I tried to talk to him about everything. School, sports, girlfriend hobbies. I wanted to hear it all. He said he could not wait until it gets cold. Yes it does get cold in Florida. I told him if he wanted cold he needed to come up here. With out flinching he said, "Ok." I had to ask him if that was because he really wanted to come or if it was just a "Yeah that sounds like fun. No big deal" sort of thing. He said he really wanted to. I could have cried. I really hope his mom and I can work something out. That would make me sooooo happy. When I told Joy she started to cry. She wants to see him as bad as I do. I asked him he needed to send me a picture. The only pics I have of him in my office are of his 2nd grade class pic and another one of when we went to Epcot Center 5 years ago. I would say he has changed quite a bit.
Needless to say I love him very much. Even though I have not talked to him in a long time he is always in my thoughts and prayers and always been. I hope he reads this and sees that I am putting that out here for as many people to see as possible.
I love you Connorman. I always have.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Freakin' Warning Light

Its funny. I am not an idiot but it is like I cannot spell anymore. I have a written a 65 page research paper, earned as college degree, am working on my masters degree but I cannot seem to spell anymore. I will write a blog, re-read it and fix errors. I will post it, look at it and then edit it and re-post it. Then my wife will read it and still find spelling and grammatical errors! AAAGGGHHH!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY INTERNAL SPELLCHECK?! It is like it isn't even there. I hate that. I will need to start working with my five year old on her alpha bet and simple spelling just so I can keep up. I guess I should not feel to bad about it though. I was sitting in class and the prof. wsa writting something on a chart and she mispelled a word too. Great, higher education leads to highre thought but a decrease in simple spelling. Oh I have the knowledge, I just can't write it down for anybody.
By the way. Another addition to the "My Wife Is So Cool" file. She went to Tulsa this last weekend for auditions for Wheel of Fortune. We don't even watch that show but my wife wanted to be on it. So she goes up there saturday morning and they don't call her name. She was bummed. On sunday they called her name and she got to try out. For some reason they wanted her to show a "talent". Like spelling isn't enough. She is a fantastic singer and has been on TV and sung before. (For a run down on that see her blog at joyketch@blogspot.com) She is 1/2 Greek and her maiden name was Pappadopoulos. Yeah, thats a mouthful. Her mom made up a song so she and her brothers could learn how to spell their last name. That song was the only song she could think of so she sang it! I will let her tell you all about it but let me at least say "She won!!" As far as I am concerned my wife is the coolest! 'Gimme the Mike' and now 'Wheel of Fortune'!
It's a good thing I didn't try out, I never would have made it.

Friday, October 21, 2005

A Landmark.

WOW! What a morning. One of my daughters is turning 6 today! My wife, the new red head, and I took her a doughnut (her favorite breakfast) and sand happy birthday to her. When we were done I told her that soon she would be shaving her legs and plucking her eyebrows. With out flinching my little girl, who was five yesterday, looked up at me and said, "And putting my own make-up on too." AAGGHH! I was crushed. This started my day of in a fantastic way by being there when she got up and singing happy b-day to her first thing in the morning but it also ruined it because she is right. She will be putting on her own make-up and going out with boys (yuk) in about five minutes.
Excuse me while I go to target practice.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Got Stalled Out.

I freakin' hate meetings! There was an all day meeting at the college today. There are two sure fire ways for me to get a good nap. The first is give me something to read. It does not matter what it is or if I am interested in the subject. If I have to read it, I will fall to sleep. The second is put me in a meeting. It does not matter what the meeting is about - I will fall asleep. I have actually started to fall asleep in a meeting of me and two other people. One of them was my BOSS! Let me tell you something, nothing changes the dynamics of a meeting with your boss like falling asleep in the middle of it. So anyway, I am in this meeteing and all the department heads are there. The President of the college was giving a master planning meeting. It took him from 8:30am to 3pm to tell everybody to set long term objectives and short term goals to reach those objectives. I could have given this lesson. Although I think it may have worried the audience if I fell asleep in the middle of my presentation. Anyway, I am sitting there on the front row in full view of the President trying not to fall asleep ALL DAY LONG! I just know I nodded off a couple of times. I was drinking green tea and stuffing my face all day to stay awake. I swear, if I had to go to meetings all the time I would be a total lard ass. Here it is. I go to the gym five days a week and try to watch what I eat all week long just to have it ruined because there has to be this long freakin' meeting and I have to eat just to stay awake. Today is going to cost me an extra 2o minutes on the treadmill tomorrow.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

That Red Light Wasn't There Before?

I have already advised everyone that it is a lot of fun to buy my wife new panties but I just found something else that is incredibly fun to do for my wife. She has been complaining for weeks now about needing to go and get her hair colored. So the other day I called her stylist and made an appointment for her to get her hair done. I went to see her stylist the morning before my wife went. I paid her and told her what I wanted. Now you may be thinking, "YOU told the stylist how YOU wanted your wifes' hair to look?" Yes I did and it looks GREAT! When my wife got there she said, "I know my huband wants red so I am thinking maybe a strawberry blonde and some high light." Jamie, the stylist, replied with, "Monty said red and he already paid me for red." At that point my wife had to concede. I wanted to see how it was going and suprise my wife a little more so I showed up at the salon. I will give you a brief history lesson on me real quick. I have never been known as a thoughtful person. When my wife worked in an office she would always tell me about other wives that recieved flowers at work and how specila they said they felt because everyone would ask them who they were from or wht the occasion was. Well I never took that as a hint to send my wife flowers at work. Yes ladies I am that thick. Anyway, not only did I suprise her at the salon by showing up but I also brought her a dozen dark red roses. So she got a new hair color, a hair cut, and flowers in front of all the women at the salon. Oh yeah! I got the good husband award for that day.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

A New Route

Let me tell you what, I have been married for 9 years and I think I am just now REEAALLLY falling in love with my wife and the woman she is becoming. You may be asking yourself, "What the hell?" I have always loved my wife for the things she provided our marriage. Income, cleaning, planning vacations, sex, she looks good next to me, lots of common sense, takes very good care of the kids. All of these things are reasons for me to love my wife. But to 'Fall in Love' with her and love her for her is something a little new for me. I have come to appreciate my wife for the person she is becoming. She has gone through a lot of painful stuff this last year. Some of it was not her fault, some of it was self inflicted and some of it I inflicted on her. My wife has always been an exceptionally strong willed person and done what she felt was right with out regard for the consequences. She would do things whether she had my support or not and I got used to that. In the last year she has become even stronger. How? She needs my support and me to back her up. By depending on me she has been able to show how strong she really is. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you can't do it all. It has made me stronger too because now I have to use strength that I did not know or forgot that I had. It has also made me re-evaluate how I live my life and feel about my marriage. I was talking to one of her friends about her. I told them that, "I would die for wife." After those words came out of my mouth I stopped to think for a minute. I then quickly withdrew that statement and made a correction. "I love my wife so much I will LIVE for her." It is easy to say you will die for someone. You only have to do that once, but to live for someone requires that you do it everyday of your life. It is not a one time deal but a lifelong commitment. Dying for someone means a onetime sacrifice, but living for that person means you make a sacrifice everyday in time, resources, and effort. But when you are in love with that person the sacrifice is not a loss. It is an investment. An investment in the wonderful life you want to have with that person.
Falling in love with her has been happening for a while now but I kind of went over a cliff this last weekend. We finally got to go out for our anniversary so I took her to a nice restaurant downtown. We had a great dinner and some wine. She was sitting in a booth next to the wall and kept talking about all of the beautiful artwork that was in the restaurant. I had my back to everything but what she did not know is that I had the best view in the place, looking right into her big brown eyes. She looked amazing! Her smooth white skin accented her full red lips. Her long blonde hair was falling over her shoulder. She looked like a princess. We got to talk about things that did not necessarily involve the kids and share a wonderful time. For the first time in a long time I was not distracted by something else in the restaurant. She was my only focus and I hung on everyword she said. After dinner we walked around the entertainment district. There was a great jazz band playing on the dock. There was no place to sit so we walked around a corner and stood next to a balcony overlooking the riverwalk and danced. When we finished I finally noticed that there were other people eating and walking past but while we were dancing and kissing there was no one but her, me and the stars with the music in the back ground. After that we went to Toby Keith's bar. We sat by the fire place and talked some more. Seeing her there by the fire was incredibly sexy. I could hardly talk because she was so beautiful and I did not want to ruin it by saying something silly. After another drink we went and listened to a duo outside another eatery. They were fantastic. We sat at a table, held hands and listened to more great music. It was probably the most romantic evening I have had with my wife in a long time.
Deciding to live for my wife and investing in the life we have together is going to make me a very rich man.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Curves Ahead

Guys if you want to have a good time, and you know you do, go and buy your wife sexy underwear. Let me make it clear that I am talking about underwear and not lingerie. We are looking for the daily drivers, not the weekend droptop. Let her go and pick out the special anniversary/birthday/big promotion undies. If you buy those under the disguise that they are "for her" you are lying to her and yourself. Now, I am sure there are those of you who have already done this but I had not.
There are several benefits to YOU buying her underwear. The first is the most unselfish. You get to do something nice for her. Hopefully she will look at it as an act of love and appreciate the effort and not just the gift. The second is a little more selfish. You get to pick out what underwear you get to see your wife wear. If you want her to wear bikini's, you buy her bikini's if you want thongs you buy thongs. Because after you buy her new undies you get to go home and clean out the ones you don't like because hey, she has new underwear and that is what she does to you when she buys yours. This last reason is the most selfish but I swear that I did not know it was going to go down like this. Appearently the girls that work in places wear you buy womens underwear think it is incredibly sweet and sexy when a man goes in to buy underwear for his wife. At one point I had both of the attendants helping me get undies for my wife. It like they forgot about the other people in the store and focused on the guy buying silky panties.
They will tell you everything you want to know about how the undies fit, how high the sides come up, and let you get a good feel for the material and how a satin thong feels next to cotton bikini's. They will educate you on what kind of underwear gets worn with different clothing for different effects. I had no idea that womens underwear was so complicated. Our biggest decision is boxers of briefs? They will also pamper you. After all, you love your wife so much you are in there buying her underwear.
So I say, Men get out there and treat yourself right. Buy your wife some new underwear!

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Finding the Right Places.

On our journey through all of this we meet a lot of different people. Some are like convienence stores. They give you what you want but you pay a high price. Some are like Christie's Toy Box. They are a lot of fun for a while but they eventually get hidden in a drawer. Everybody knows you have them but you show them to no one. Some are like road side diners. You get your fill and never go back. Some are like flower shops. They look and smell pretty but soon fade. But, if you are lucky you can remeber their beauty. Some are like museums. You look but don't touch. Some are like amusment parks. They are fun for a couple of days but after that you are ready to go back home. Some are like a bad thrift store. When you get there the only thing to look at is somebody elses thrown away shit. But every once in a while you will find a place that has everything you are looking for. They are like a mall. You get inside and there are places to feed you, places to clothe you, places for entertainment, things to listen to, things to read, places that fix things when they get broken and even places to sit and just enjoy. If you are lucky there are different levels to the mall and there is no way to take it all in in one day. So you go back and find things you never knew you needed or wanted. Eventually you realize this is the only place you need to go because anytime you need something, they have it. If you find the right mall everything is of great value too. Sure there may be places at the mall that have have nothing but crap, but no matter where you stop there is going to be some. You just learn to stay out of those places. Good luck finding your mall.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

I like the view from here.

Her are some of the things I really like now that I am in my thirties. It is amazing how tastes change.
1. Khaki's. My grandfather wore them dang near every day of his life so to me they were always "old peoples clothes". If I was going anywhere I had on jeans. Dressing up meant wearing a shirt that had buttons with my jeans. Now I seldom leave the house not in khaki's.
2. Elastic. Elastic has always been nice. It held up our sweat pants, our gym shorts and our underware but I never knew the comforts of elastic until I got in my thirties. I have about 6 pairs of pants that I wish had elastic in them. If they did I could bouble the size of my wardrobe.
3. Anti-Acids and acid reducers. I never had a real problem with heart burn until I turned thirty and put on about 30lbs, (Coincedence? I think not.) If it weren't for acid-reducers I would live in constant pain.
4. My favorite time of the day is early morning. I mean before 6 o'clock. I get up at 5:30 to go work out. This also lets me see the sunrise. Seeing a sunrise lets you know the day is a gift and should be used to its fullest.
5. My wife. I got married in my 20's and was a little immature. Ok, a lot. What I thought was here being "the ole ball&chain" was just here saving me from myself. I now try to do something special for her everyday so she know how much I love and need her.
6. Work. It used to be work was what I did in between drinking on the weekend. Now it is how I support my family.
7. Air conditioning. I was married before I even had a car with a/c. I would just role the windows down or sweat. Now I ride in comfort. See how my wife takes care of me.
8. My health. It is not that I am unhealth but like I said, I've put on like 30 extra pounds. It has given me heartburn, hypertension and God only knows what other disasters are awaiting my body. I get up a 5:30 so I can work out and stay healthy. It's not like the old days of 20 when I could eat what I wanted and not gain a pound. Hell, I remeber trying to gain weight!
9. Enjoying what you have. I love everything I have. My wife, my kids, my house, being able to work and support my family. Many people do not have these things and I am VERY blessed that I do.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

A Stop On The Journey

I just read a blog that was a reflection on the authors life as they turned 30. It gave me reason to pause and reflect myself. I have been 30 for almost 4 years now so I feel pretty comfortable with this age..in a way. As soon as you turn 30 things that were crazy and whimsicle in your 20's are now ignorant and dangerous. Here is a list.
1. Flirting with your young waitress. Doing that in your 20's can be considered charming. Doing it in your 30's is a bit creepy. Probably because, theoretically, you could possibly be their father.
2. Drinking all night and calling into work. We are supposed to be responsible now because we have a mortgage, a wife, insurance and possibly more small children.
3. Throwing up after a night of drinking. See #2 for reasons not to.
4. Getting kicked out of a club/bar for fighting. You are probably fighting with someone at least 5 years younger than you anyway because he called you old.
5. Wearing your ballcap backwards. Unless you are walking into the wind or about to kiss your wife there is no need for you to wear it backwards.
6. Getting your ears pierced. If you already have it done and wear an ear ring it is ok. If you are just now getting it done...don't.
7. Wearing clothes that are not age appropriate. Now we are not ready for sandles black socks yet but lets leave the trendy T-shirts with the little phrases to the teenagers and the 20 somethings.
8. Frat sweatshirts. If you were in a frat get a ring and give your wiatressing daughter the old sweatshirt.
9. Stop calling people dude. I should not need to explain this to you.
There are some cool thinhgs about being in your 30's too.
1. Confidence. The only people I have to impress is my kids and they are young so all I have to do is put chocolate chips in the pancakes and I am a hero.
2. Respect for people older than me. It is amazing at how much smarter people my parents age have gotten now that I am older. I used to think they were insane. Now to my kids and their friends I am crazy.
3. Respect for myself. I have to take better care of myself. No longer will a diet of Dr. Pepper and Butterfinger bars keep me slim and trim. I have to work for it now.
4. Being a role model. I have kids now and it is my job to show them what kind of adult to be. Most people want to raise good kids. I have good kids. I want them to be good adults.
5. Education. Man that was tough one to get but more doors have opened for me since I have graduated than before. I should nave done that much earlier.
7. Conservative. I used to figure if it did not hurt me, do what you want to. Now, there are somethings that are just wrong. Homosexuals-wrong. Talking bad about the country you live in but still taking advantage of its benefits-wrong. Being beligerent-Wrong.
These are just a few things I have learned in my 30's. This age is working out for me very well. My wife even says she likes me more now than when I was in my 20's. That is ALWAYS a good thing.
Next time I will make a list of things I have discovered that I really like now that I am in my 30's.

Monday, October 03, 2005

I made a wrong turn.

Friday night I made a bit of a wrong turn. I went over to a friends house to play his PS2. I figured I would be home around 10 o'clock. When I left his house I decided I was not ready to go home just yet. Instead, I decided to go get a beer at a near by restaurant. This would have been cool but I did not call my wife and let her know I would not be home anytime soon. While I am inside listening to the band and sampling what they have on tap my phone is in the car...blowing up. When I decide to leave at midnight I had 5 missed calls. It had been storming and my wife could not get ahold of me. As I was looking at my phone she called again. She was on her way to the hospital to see if I was there. To say she was a little worried would be an understatment. When I got home she did not know if she should hit me or hug me. Luckily for me she chose the hug instead. My going out privileges may be revoked for a little while for this one.
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